Found Out, and Where Did The Month Go?

Have I really lost track of nearly a month? This isn't a good sign. This means either The Threat is able to exert influence on me again, or The Tree is back. Either way, I need to start doubling my efforts to remain hidden.

Picking up where I left off, Lilliana had informed me of the night that a giant battle occurred between the FBI, the SIA, The Threat, and apparently even The Bleeding Tree made its way into the fray.


Me: "Leeches? You don't mean..."

Lilliana: "Exactly. The Bleeding Tree. The only information any of us have on this comes from The Sages and that crazy bastard, Zero. None of us knew how to deal with it. It became an all-out blood bath in the warehouse that night."

Me: "And what happened? How did any of us survive?"

Lilliana: "I guess that the presence of everybody, as well as everything, in that warehouse caused some sort of strange disturbance. It felt like reality was warping all around us. Suddenly, there was this loud, penetrating scream that filled the air, piercing my very soul. The next moment, I was alone. Lobo and The Count, Him, The Tree, and you. Vanished without a trace. I think the combination of everything happening at once is was caused your recent memory loss."


Trying to absorb everything she has told me, I didn't even notice the vague, shadowy figure standing off in the distance. At first, it appeared to be The Threat. But then I observed a gun in his hands, aimed directly either at me or Lilliana. Before I had the chance to react, I heard a gunshot.

Looking up at the figure in the distance, he fell over, shouting in pain. I look behind me to see Brown with his gun aimed now at Lilliana. He put his hand on my shoulder, letting me know it's time to leave. I looked at Lilliana, who seemed to show no fear in her eyes with a gun pointed right at her. She just smiles at me. Brown starts walking back to the car.

Me: "Don't try to follow us. I want nothing more to do with the FBI. If you follow us, if you go after any more Fighters or Runners, expect to wind up as just another body,"

Lilliana: "You can't blame a girl for trying. After all, we had a great time all those years, I just hoped we could be happy again."

As she says this, she slipped another note into my hand, giving me a kiss on the cheek as well. She turns around and goes back to her car. I do the same, getting into the back seat of the car with Brown. He pulls away and speeds off.



I explained everything to him that I learned, as well as what I was remembering. He doesn't cast judgement on me for what The Tree did to my memory. He even thinks it was The Tree's influence that made me an easier target for the FBI to manipulate. Even so, what I have done now, I can't erase it.

I think I need to lie down again. All this remembering is tiring me.

Found Out, Part 2

Took a long nap this afternoon, but it's not helping me in my recovery.

To continue where I left off:

The female cop told me that I was with the FBI and I helped her eliminate "pesky insects" that had knowledge of the Threat.


Me: "What the hell are you talking about? I was never with the FBI, and I never killed anybody except my ex fiancée, that horrible Agent of that thing."

Lilliana: "You are so simple-minded, always were, Lucien. You don't even remember that night in Newark, when we found you?"


This was when a memory came back to me. I was meeting up with a woman named Maya that I had started to get to know. We met for dinner, but before we could get our food, a cop, or so I believed, told us to step out of the restaurant, we were needed for questioning. When we got outside, I was jumped. I remembered hearing Maya scream before I blacked out. Thinking back to it, Lilliana was the cop that grabbed me then.


Me: "You are the cause of all of this? Did you cause my three year memory loss too? I know the FBI can probably do that to people. Why not just kill me then if I was such a threat to you?"

Lilliana: "You were different. You were exactly like Zeke was: smart, cunning, able to hold your own, and most of all, you knew people. We needed somebody like you to help us. Somebody who could get close to the Fighters and Runners. You were exactly what the job required. With a little coaxing, and a little bit of training, you were the perfect candidate."

Me: "What exactly are you saying?"

Lilliana: "Thanks to you, many of those that knew too much, the ones who went into hiding, or who did everything to keep fighting, were eliminated. And the boss, he never thought you'd be the one to pull the trigger every time, but with my special treatments, you did."


I was stunned. She was saying that I was the one who killed all of my friends. All those I have been trying to re-connect with, that I hoped somehow survived: dead, because of me.


Me: "You're lying. I would never do something like that, and I would remember committing such an atrocity."

Lilliana: "Then how do you explain your dreams? Each one tells you of somebody you killed for us."

Me: "And my sister? Did you force me to kill her too?"

Lilliana: "We tried. As one of the Sages, she was one of our biggest threats, next to you of course. But something happened the night we tried to get to her."

Me: "And what exactly was that?"

Lilliana: "We went to our warehouse, the one we kept all of our files and weapons necessary for our missions. Before we could leave, your buddies Lobo and The Count showed up, threatening to kill us for what we did to you. No idea how they found us, but it didn't matter. We had to get rid of them, but things went from bad to worse. He showed up, and He was in a rage. He began attacking everybody, including us. Your friends managed to distract him, and that's when shit really hit the fan."

Me: "So you're telling me that between us, Lobo and The Count, as well as The Threat, things still managed to get worse?"

Lilliana: "Yep, in the form of leeches."


I'm so exhausted trying to recount all of this, I'll post the final update on what happened tomorrow.

Found Out, Part One

The FBI found us, Brown and I. We were away from one of our safe houses in the Midwest, just trying to get ourselves a decent meal. We were approached at the table by a few, what seemed to be, plain clothes officers. They said they had never seen us before in town, and that they thought it interesting that the first day they see us, also happened to be the day that a group of children went missing from the local park. Nobody had seen anything or anybody, so we were automatically assumed to be suspicious in the case. The one "cop" eyed me up and down, almost as if she knew who I was and was trying to remember where she had seen me before.

After questioning us, the two cops seemed to believe our story that we were simply drifters out for a meal, and that we would be leaving town the next day (which was true). As they were leaving, I could feel the female cop slip something into my pocket. After they left, I reached in and pulled out a note. The note simple read, "Come back to us, Drage."

I was a little puzzled by this note, especially since I had no memory of this woman. Maybe somebody during my three years of lost memories. Brown and I decided to follow them, see if we could get any information, whether it was on the missing children, this note I was slipped, or anything else in regards to the Threat. We kept a safe distance from them as we drove, but something just didn't feel right.

I began hearing a strange buzzing in the back of my head, which turned into a massive migraine after a few moments. When the cops stopped, so did the buzzing. They got out of their car, turned around towards us and began walking. They kept their hands up, showing us there was nothing they could harm us with. The female then pointed directly at me, motioning for me to get out of the car. Brown stayed behind in the car, and I approached the female, my hands up to show I had no harmful intentions either.

Cop: "Glad you got my note, Drage. I was wondering if you would come back to us."

Me: "Back to you? I don't know who you are, and I don't know what you mean. That's why I followed you: to get some answers."

Cop: "You mean to tell me you don't remember your job? What I trained you to do? Perhaps it was that pesky mess in the warehouse that caused your disappearance and memory loss. It should have been expected, what with everything that went down that night."

Me: "What job? What warehouse? My only job that I have is something I don't discuss with people, so as not to put them in danger."

Cop: "Drage, you know exactly what your job was. Your dreams tell you everything. They are, and always have been, your memories."

Me: "Just cut the tip-toeing around the details. Just tell me what the hell you are talking about."

Cop: "Fine, if it's that important to you."

She took out two badges from her pocket. More specifically, FBI badges. One had her name etched into the back of it. Lilliana. The other had a name etched into it too.


Lucien


Cop: "You were one of us, and thanks to you, we eliminated many of those pesky insects that knew too much about Him."





Will update later if I can, still trying to recuperate from what happened after.

Still, The Nightmares, Yet Hope Has Survived

Brown and I have been keeping quiet lately, not wanting to let our position slip to any possible Agents of The Threat. We change our location every 3-4 days, trying to not return to the same location unless required.

The nightmares have continued, nothing has changed in them except the faces of the victims. The same concept: me dressed in a suit, chasing these people who are begging me not to kill them, yet I do so anyway. The other two guys in suits congratulating me, telling me that "the boss" would be pleased with how I was progressing. The thing that troubles me most about these nightmares: each time I have them, they seem more and more realistic. When I say realistic, I mean they begin to feel more lucid and vivid. It's almost as if I am controlling the nightmare, yet I choose to have them end the same way. To steal a quote from a literary classic, "Curiouser and curiouser."

However, in spite of this, I have seen a little glimmer of hope today. As I logged on to make this post, I saw an update from one of the blogs I had been following years ago. Three updates, to be exact, within the past month or so. Her first updates in 5 years. We were never truly friends or allies, but she was always willing to throw some helpful words to those that chose to listen, even if those words were obscured by her own unique way of relating them.

Thage. you have given me hope that others have survived during these horrible times. Perhaps it means I can keep hope for others as well.

Especially for Kay.










Kay, I could really use you right about now.

Back Stateside

Brown and I have come back across the ocean to the states. We figured there was nothing more we can do in Germany. Still no word from any other runners and fighters from my time, no word from Lobo or The Count. Safe to say that they are all gone. I should have heard something from one of them by now.

I realize now it's futile to hope for my friends. It was pointless for me to believe they could have survived this long. Then again, how did I manage to survive this long?

I started having nightmares recently. None that involve The Threat or The Bleeding Tree. I'm not sure if these nightmares have anything to do with my three years of missing memories. I see myself wearing a suit, with a few other guys dressed just like me. We were chasing after people, not sure who they were. All I remember is that when we caught up to these different people, they begged me not to do it, to let them go. Instead, I pulled out a gun and shot them, point blank. The two others with me then put their hands on my shoulders. After each kill, they told me I did well, and that "the boss" would be proud of my turn around.

I need to figure out if those dreams mean anything.

Current Findings After Months of Testing

It has been over three months since my last post. As I said before, I was no longer in the country. It was no longer safe for me at the time, and with the research found by my fellow SIA operative (he wishes only to go by the name of Mr. Brown), we knew where we had to go.

Brown and I found ourselves heading to Germany. It was time for me to return to the Black Forest. I told Brown to wait behind, as I knew what to expect from the village. I didn't want him to be put into unnecessary danger. Using my memories from my previous experience, I easily navigated myself through the woods until I came to that familiar clearing.

I was nervous at first. When I saw the buildings, I started remembering what happened to Brittany all those years ago. Watching her die at the hands of my ex fiancée, Sam. The madness I spiraled into after I killed her. My anger started boiling over and my vision became blurry and distorted. However, I remembered the message I received from Brittany after I returned home, and I was able to calm myself back down.

Lobo's research into the ritual that turns people into proxies was very in depth and complicated, but he was able to simplify everything in a few easy sentences. Though the sentences were easy, what had to be done was not. In order to disrupt the ritual and prevent the proxy from being created, one must literally step in the way of the body about to receive the tainted soul of one of "The Forgotten" (a soul that was lost and tainted on The Path), as if about to take the soul themselves. One of two things would happen, according to Lobo's notes. First, The Forgotten's soul would realize it was about to enter a body already inhabited with a soul and vanish. This wasn't the case the several times I interrupted the ritual.

The second result, which happened every time I disrupted the ritual, is that the tainted soul would pass through my own body, but after passing through my body, the soul would no longer be untainted. The color returned from the dark black into a more pure white, which would then re-enter its original body and restore the victim to their normal selves.

Lobo's findings were true. He has discovered a way to at least change the ritual to save people. However, I obviously couldn't keep it up forever. Each time I managed to interrupt the ritual, the Agent performing over this Black Mass would try to kill me. Each time they did, I returned the favor and ended their lives. Over the course of nearly three months, I killed 7 Agents. It would take anywhere between a few days and a few weeks before another Agent returned to the village to start performing the ritual again. This proved Donnie's original theory from years ago that these masses do require an Agent to help with the creation of proxies.

Using the hidden tunnel in the basement of the church, I managed to leave the village undetected. I reunited with Mr. Brown, who remained in an SIA HQ that was established in Frankfurt after the adventures in the Black Forest in 2011. We are no longer there, just as a safety incase I was followed by somebody again.

In the bleakness of what I have lost, at least there is currently one glimmer of light.